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Let Me Go On
...like I blister in the sun
Created on 2006-04-27 13:16:02 (#10121705), last updated 2007-04-23
19 comments received, 3 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
14 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 1 Userpic
Basic Info| Name: | learn_to_care |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 1987-07-31 |
Bioalright...so this is all about my ed.
i have anorexia nervosa n.s.
i want to fucking get better.
and i don't.
this should explain it all.
"ALL HAIL THE OMNICENT AND OMNIPOTENT MARYA HORNBACHER!!!"
"In truth, you like the pain.
You like it because you believe you deserve it,
and the fact that you're putting yourself
through pain means you are doing what you,
by all rights, ought to do. You're doing
something right. It's hard to describe how these two things can take place in the same mind:
arrogant, self-absorbed pride in yourself for your incredible feat, and the belief that you
are so evil as to deserve starvation and
any other form of self-mutilation. They
coexist because you've split yourself in two.
One part is the part you are trying to kill-the
weak self, the body. One part is the part you're
trying to become- the powerful self, the mind. This
is not psychosis, this is splitting. It is the history
of Western culture made manifest. Your ability to withstand pain is your claim to fame. It is ascetic, holy. It is self-control. It is masochism, and masochism is pleasurable to many, but we don't like to think about that. We don't like to think that a person could have a twisted autoerotic life going on, be both top and bottom, and experience both at once: the pleasure of beating the hell out of a body shackled at the wrists, and the pleasure of being the body and knowing you deserve each blow."- Marya Hornbacher Wasted
i have anorexia nervosa n.s.
i want to fucking get better.
and i don't.
this should explain it all.
"ALL HAIL THE OMNICENT AND OMNIPOTENT MARYA HORNBACHER!!!"
"In truth, you like the pain.
You like it because you believe you deserve it,
and the fact that you're putting yourself
through pain means you are doing what you,
by all rights, ought to do. You're doing
something right. It's hard to describe how these two things can take place in the same mind:
arrogant, self-absorbed pride in yourself for your incredible feat, and the belief that you
are so evil as to deserve starvation and
any other form of self-mutilation. They
coexist because you've split yourself in two.
One part is the part you are trying to kill-the
weak self, the body. One part is the part you're
trying to become- the powerful self, the mind. This
is not psychosis, this is splitting. It is the history
of Western culture made manifest. Your ability to withstand pain is your claim to fame. It is ascetic, holy. It is self-control. It is masochism, and masochism is pleasurable to many, but we don't like to think about that. We don't like to think that a person could have a twisted autoerotic life going on, be both top and bottom, and experience both at once: the pleasure of beating the hell out of a body shackled at the wrists, and the pleasure of being the body and knowing you deserve each blow."- Marya Hornbacher Wasted
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